After twelve years of going without it, my grandmother will finally start chemotherapy on Monday. She's raised me since I was a baby and my mum isn't in the picture, so she essentially is my mother. I'm really having a hard time accepting some of the less pleasant possibilities that come with this. Her mortality is something I've always mentally known but never been able to emotionally accept, and seeing her so weak all the time is doing bad things to me.

About three years ago, our neighbor and friend was being treated for leukemia and died from a lung infection he got after a bone marrow transplant that wiped out his immune system, and that's been on my mind a lot as well.

Hopefully it will go well. She has a brother with waldenstroms (it's genetic) who's had these same treatments twice and responded well to them, so I'm trying to focus on that and remain hopeful, but I'm still very scared. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her.

*Update* Well, she had her first treatment yesterday, and while this is just the beginning, it's a good beginning, because so far she's had no adverse side effects. Thank you so much, everyone, for the well wishes. We both appreciate it.